If you speak Spanish and are wondering why I ended up in a
situation where I was asked whether I’d like to go to a homeopathic doctor or a
gastronomic (regular typed) doctor, well that’s another, not quite so funny
story. You see, I’ve predominately blogged about my funny or interesting experience,
but things are not perfect. I have a sort of “coming clean” blog coming about
some of the challenges of studying abroad so as not to deceive anyone, but for
now I’m going to continue to blog about my weird and great experiences. So
alas, let’s begin with me being asked about which doctor I would rather go to.
When Brianne’s host mom (whose family I stayed with for a
few days) asked me which I’d prefer, I thought for a minute and decided on the
homeopathic doctor. I figured it would be a little more natural and a little
less weird for me. Right before I left, Brianne, who had seen this doctor in
the past, came in to the room I was staying in to explain what I needed to
bring and then as I was leaving she said “oh yeah! He sometimes does a little
acupuncture – just so you know.” I didn’t think much of that because I figured
Brianne and my situations were probably pretty different and maybe the doctor
had asked her and decided it was the best way to go about treating her.
Anyway, I got into the car with Brianne’s mom and tried not
to cry out of gratitude as we speed towards his office. Well, in theory it was
an office. In reality, I think it was a house converted into a doctor’s space. He
greeted me, asked a few basic questions, and then asked me to lie down on his
doctor’s table. This is all in Spanish, of course, and while my Spanish has
improved a ton whilst being here, I was pretty frazzled and I don’t know doctor
speak all that well. Eventually, I was lying on the table and he asked me to
take off my shirt. Or, at least that’s what I thought he said. My hesitation
must have been evident because he asked me again. Since Brianne’s host mom was
in the room with us, I tried not to think about it too much as I stripped down
to my bra and then also unbuttoned my pants per his request. I was biting my
smile at this point, because I couldn’t help but enjoy the ridiculousness of
what was going on, but I also didn’t want to look like a crazy person grinning
as a doctor examined my bare belly. For anyone that knows me – taking off any
clothes is not a forte of mine, so my grin was also simply uncomfortable embarrassment.
Alas.
He poked and prodded around, eventually determining what the
issue was. I was looking at the ceiling because oh my goodness I am not wearing
a shirt and my pants are unbuttoned in front of a stranger?? How awkward. So
when, at one point, there was suddenly something sharp poking into my stomach,
I was a bit surprised. Soon afterwards another needle typed feeling thing was
stuck into another part of my stomach. At this point, I wanted to know what was
going on so I peered down only to see two thin needles sticking out of my skin.
The acupuncture had begun. This was a first for me and I found it extremely strange
to see needles sticking out of my body, especially as he added more to my stomach,
feet, and hands, so I looked back up and hoped that it wouldn’t be like that SNL
skit where Kristen Wiig and Aidy Bryant try to do acupuncture and end up with
the patient spurting blood everywhere. As I am alive and typing this, rest
assured that no SNL repeat occurred.
After leaving the needles sticking out of me, the doctor
messed around with my ears for a little while so I assumed he was putting more
needles there. Finally, he got some very hot scented object and began hovering
it directly over my stomach. This was uncomfortable. It also smelled
suspiciously of something I often smell at Pitzer, but can’t quite put my
finger on what it is. After my belly was sufficiently scorched and the needles
in my belly were removed, he asked me to flip over. Keep in mind, I’m still
convinced that there are at least six needles poking out of each ear and I
wasn’t too keen on pressed them farther into my skull by lying with my head on
the side. However, the doctor was waiting so I flipped myself but then kept my
chin on the pillow rather than one said of my head. It was awkward and
uncomfortable. Finally the doctor came up to my head and forcibly made me
choose a side of my head to lean on. Surprisingly, there were no needles there.
This was comforting in that I knew nothing would end up spearing the inner
working of my head, but also confusing because what had he done to my ears???
After more needles pierced my back and the Pitzer smelling hot stick had
sufficiently covered my back, the doctor told me I was good to get up and get
my clothes back on and such.
He explained to me and Brianne’s host mom what was going on
and what I needed to do. This included not eating milk, yogurt, chocolate, or
costal fruits (yeah, weird I know) for a week nor running. NO CHOCOLATE FOR A
WEEK??? Was pretty much all I could think until he pulled out two small squeeze
bottles, each with a psychedelic print on the side and was clearly explaining
to me that these would be my natural medicine that I needed flip them over, hit
them seven times and then drink 20 drops every morning and night until they ran
out. I’ve included a picture, Please enjoy the professional and totally
legitimate feel you get from looking at them. Yes I still take them every day
twice a day. No I did not go the whole week without chocolate (although to be
fair we all went to Mindo last weekend [two days after my appointment] and
Mindo is known for it’s chocolate tours, so I couldn’t just not do that). I did
manage to go the rest of the week, aside from that day, without it.
I bet you’ve forgotten about my ears, haven’t you? I
certainly had until I arrived back at Brianne’s house to find my new host dad
[told you there was a longer story] there to meet me. I was nervous because I
wanted to make a good impression, so naturally I resorted to my oldest nervous
habit and began touching my ear. Only this time, there was something there. At
first I thought it was a zit and then I realized that there was no way it was
that and when my new host dad slipped away to answer a phone call, I asked
Brianne’s host mom if there was something there. “Of course!” she said “they’re
[insert Spanish word that I don’t know]!” “ohhh” I exclaimed, as though I knew
exactly what she was talking about. When she looked the other way I asked
Brianne was that meant and she told me that they were magnets. Brianne’s mom
overheard and explained to me that the doctor had put magnets in my ears in
order to balance out my energies. Well, there you go. Apparently a lot of my
energy needed balancing because I had at least six magnets per ear and you’re
supposed to leave them in until they fall out. It’s been over a week for me and
most of them are still there. Does this mean my energy is really off???
Well, if it is, now I have my own set of acupuncture needles
to use.
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